Am I a Pleaser?
1. I have hit or pushed my spouse‚ significant other‚ or kids.
2. Anger and frustration are usually the only emotions I feel.
3. I am not a moody person and I would describe myself as consistent and reliable. So moody people get on my nerves.
4. Crying kids really annoy me; if they were my kid‚ it would stop.
5. I like to meet the needs of others and I feel uncomfortable when someone wants to serve me.
6. My partner sometimes mistreats me‚ but it would be worse to be alone.
7. I often feel unworthy‚ unlovable‚ and wonder why I am on this earth.
8. I often feel misunderstood and unsupported.
9. I am dishonest at times to avoid conflict.
10. Sometimes I try to control my temper‚ but once I’m angry‚ I can’t calm down.
11. My partner controls almost everything about my life
12. I feel powerless in my relationships‚ like I am just going through the motions.
13. One or both of my parents had serious problems and or multiple marriages.
14. I would rather do something nice for someone when I think they are mad at me than confront them directly.
15. When people hurt me‚ I tend to write them off and I have cut people off in past relationships.
16. I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant.
17. I feel like I am always waiting for time and attention from my partner.
18. I make it obvious when I’m hurt‚ and when no one pursues me to ask what’s wrong‚ I feel even more upset and angry.
19. I don’t like to be alone‚ but often feel resentful and lonely when my spouse or significant other is around.
20. Growing up‚ my family rarely‚ if ever‚ discussed personal concerns.
21. I am afraid if I left my spouse‚ they would harm me or my kids.
22. If I am honest‚ I would say my partner is afraid of me.
23. My partner tells me I am distant and don’t show enough affection.
24. I feel very anxious if someone is upset or annoyed with me‚ so I am good at “keeping peace”.
25. I'm rarely angry‚ and if I am‚ I usually hide it rather than show it.
26. My dating relationship with my spouse was passionate and exciting‚ but now I feel betrayed and duped because that spark is gone.
27. My parents would describe me as a good kid who never caused problems.
28. I want more connection than my spouse or significant other wants‚ and I’m always the one trying to make it happen.
29. I find it difficult to reengage when I’m angry‚ and when my partner makes an effort‚ I feel it’s too little to late.
30. My partner says they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.
31. My spouse often tells me I’m wrong or crazy‚ and sometimes I am so confused‚ I think maybe I am crazy.
32. One of my parents was either critical or fearful and I tried hard to keep them happy or win their approval or I compensated for an unruly sibling by being the responsible one.
33. My partner says mean things to me and makes me feel small and helpless.
34. Growing up‚ my home was very difficult‚ but I found I could escape into my head and go away.
35. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”
36. Chaos feels normal to me; when things are quiet I grow anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen.
37. I have always been sensitive and perceptive and can tell when others are pulling away from me.
38. I am not a risk taker‚ and I like things to be predictable.
39. Things must be done in an orderly‚ specific way‚ or I get angry.
40. My spouse or significant other has (or threatens to) hit‚ drag‚ or shoved me.
41. I have difficulty saying “no” and find that I often over-commit myself.
42. I am very good at anticipating the needs of others and meeting them.
43. I took a lot of abuse during my childhood until I threatened and fought back‚ then it stopped.
44. I usually defer to a friend or spouse when choosing a restaurant.
45. I often feel empty‚ like my longing for connection and attention is never satisfied.
46. I have feelings of jealousy and often feel like I’m not a first priority to my spouse or significant other.
47. My partner wants a lot more connection than I do‚ and sometimes I wish they could be more independent.
48. I don’t let myself cry because if I started‚ I’d never stop.
49. I get uncomfortable when people ask me how I feel.
50. I don’t have a lot of contact with my parents or adult siblings.
51. No one protected me from harm growing up‚ so I had to toughen up and take care of myself.
52. When people ask me about my childhood‚ I don’t have a lot of memories.
53. I try to avoid long conversations‚ especially if I think someone will get emotional.
54. I get angry when others don’t meet my expectations‚ and I feel relieved after I vent.
55. My childhood was very unsafe‚ and I can remember hiding to protect myself.
56. My parent(s) acted more like kids than parents.
57. Growing up‚ my family was not very affectionate or demonstrative with touch or words.
58. I have thought of leaving my spouse many times‚ but I don’t have the courage to actually do it.
59. When people around me become emotional‚ I tend to look for a way to distance myself.
60. I would describe my childhood as unsafe.
61. People sometimes describe me as intimidating.
62. Sometimes I give in‚ even when I disagree‚ just to avoid a quarrel.
63. I think asking for help is a sign of weakness and I prefer to solve problems on my own.
64. I don’t like being alone and avoid conflict to keep people from pulling away from me.
65. After social gatherings‚ I can’t stop thinking about how I was perceived and I am consumed with figuring out how I could have said things differently.
66. I use substances like food‚ alcohol‚ or drugs to help deal with the stress and pain in my life.
67. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over.
68. I have concerns about the safety of my spouse‚ kids‚ or significant other‚ and worry about my family being harmed or hurt.
69. I need space and feel trapped if someone always wants to be with me all the time.
70. I rarely cry and think crying is a waste of time that doesn’t help anything.
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